Nursing home the final stage and my experience

Posted: 3/27/2009 by Floyd in Labels:

Generally I don't blog to personal on here but thought this might help someone else, I have been at odds recently with myself and some decisions I have made concerning my ailing Mother who is unable to care for herself now. She has been unable to care for herself for about two years now but lately she has been unable to walk, being an independent woman all her life and most likely where I got a lot of my liberal views it has been very hard for her to except the fact that she just can't live alone any longer.

Getting skilled help is hard to do because they would have to be there for a lot of hours and anyone that has ever dealt with this any before knows of the expense of this but, having talked and looked at a lot of nursing facilities in the area I became quickly aware of the fact of under staffing and incompetent care givers associated with these places. I am not here to bash the nursing homes themselves because with a lot of us that becomes the final option, I quickly became educated on the lack of care and the medical system in general of this country and see up close just how broken the system is and i also discovered a lot of the mentally ill are put into these facilities also along with the elderly.

Having to deal with the fact that you have come to this final option of choosing a nursing facility weighs heavily upon you or, in my case it did me. You want your loved one home but you just can't meet the price to do it, you become financially strapped so to speak and being upset with yourself and other family members just don't help the situation at all, but if any have dealt with this you know where I'm coming from and having said this and having visited the nursing home daily I see a lot of what goes on there and the more I see the more I don't like it.

It brings us to a point of frustration of not being able to provide enough care at home and the nursing home itself providing inadequate care themselves, I have found that if you visit on a regular basis the care will improve with your family member, but me, I worry about the other family members and I see neglect as one of the biggest issues. If you don't check regularly they will neglect your loved one, Mom for instance could not eat and I discovered that they would come in and leave the food and of course come back later and pick it up. I brought this up to them and they seem to be taking care of it now, but this is only one thing I have brought up that goes on and if any out there have a loved one in one of these facilities check often on them and keep checking.

Another thing I discovered and it could be going on with a lot of facilities is this, they miss sometimes giving medication and especially if your loved on is on medication watch them carefully because they won't give it to them and even blood pressure medicine and diabetes medicine also. It is hard to believe but I would venture to say a lot of facilities are like this I have dealt with one and am dealing with them now and I have jotted down a few experiences i have had with it, my Aunt was in another one that was no better, they let her fall out of a wheelchair and cut about 10 stitches in her head so that is two out of the three in this area, those odds are not that good. I am getting to the point of utter frustration with it all but I also realize that I have not the financial means to do it otherwise it becomes stress on the whole family involved.

It is hard for me in a way to blame the aides who work at these facilities entirely, a good guess would be the one making all the money is the facility itself and they try to get help for minimum wage and it just don't work out that way, people in these facilities are very sick and need lots of care but they just don't get that . The best advice I can give is just check on the family member often, every day if possible, it becomes so frustrating when you can not provide adequate care at home and the nursing home is not providing what it says it will. Anyone who is forced to make this decision I feel for you because it is no easy, you just wish that some way the medical system will be fixed but I can't see that happening any time soon.


  1. Gran says:

    Floyd, thanks for sharing your experiences, and hugs to you for all you and yours have been going through. And you are so right--just being present is the primary thing you can do for your family members in a nursing home.

  1. Floyd says:

    Thanks gran for your support, with me it is about the only option I have left the accident I had in 2003 just about did me in physically and hiring someone is so hard to do because it is so expensive.

    My eyes have been open to nursing home's and I got a crash course in what goes on in there and of course some are worse than others, but it does seem better when I make a appearance there daily, sad but true.

  1. Aamir says:

    y dnt u open up ur own nursing home and u can obviously make a difference....think abt it...u can do a lot...we are wid u